I'm hopeless.
I look back and I see so many mistakes and regrets.
Tonight I realised that I am an overwhelmingly unhappy person. This is my natural state of being. But this is counterbalanced by the fact that so very many things make me happy. You might think I'm perpetually happy but that's to your credit : you make me happy.
Even the worst experiences in my life have led to some positive impact to my life. Perhaps much later, perhaps very tiny in comparison, but they do exist if you look hard enough.
A fairy godmother pops up and asks you a question : I can erase a painful memory, but you have a sacrifice one happy memory for me. Would you trade 1 sad memory for a 1 happy memory? I think I would not trade even 5 sad memories in exchange for 1 happy memory. If you forget something, for all practical purposes, it never happened. I never want to forget.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sounding like Chise. But perhaps she's not sorry for what she's done : she's given up taking responsibility, because she's a victim just as much as everyone else is : she's sorry for what others have to go through. Sorry that she exists.
I'm not afraid of anything anymore. Not even if I die tomorrow.
*edit* omg i just realised how depressive this sounds =p this is what happens when i post late at night. i MEANT this to be positive post! honest! =p dunno what happened along the way and multiple edits before posting and going to bed. i'm afraid of very little, and regret almost nothing.
8 comments:
Everything happens for a reason. We just have to learn from our mistakes. If given the chance to go back and undo things, I wouldn't. For to get rid of all the things which caused me heartbreak would remove all the good times as well. It was worth it all regardless of the outcomes.
I'm still in the process of learning. Seem to be repeating some things again...which is rather bad. >_<
*echoes* Life is essentially about balance; you get the good and the bad. If you were never unhappy, how would you know what happiness is? You wouldn't. And that would make it all rather pointless.
I guess you just have to focus on the positive. That doesn't mean you have to forget what makes you sad - just that you remember what makes you happy. So you've got nothing to be sorry for.
lol. you've been talking to me too much. :P:P:P
haha. no I am kidding. but comments such as I don't mind dying tomorrow , at least to me, signify that you are probably just trapped in a negative bauble of perspective.
If you wanna stop it, just shatter the bauble :D You know how I think. And you probably know when best. And if you really really don't know, then trust God does ;)
p.s. watching Serial Experiment Lain is not the most uplifting of movies
uhhh. i didn't mean it to be quite so depressing. =p the gist of what i meant to write : happiness and sadness are linked, you can't have one without the other : sadness is an emotion worth remembering : and that, there's nothing in life you have to be afraid of. yay for selfishness, ya =p
and that serial experiments lain can do this to you =p
ara : repeating life motif is what ash was writing about fractals >_< i already know this is your perspective but thanks for the reassurance and reminding me that this is also my view of life =p
xany : lol and this is what i meant to say as well but somehow it got lost along the way.
ash : not minding dying tomorrow has been my perspective for a long time already (!) =p it's not necessarily a negative trait. supposedly every human wants to live forever. but still, for what =) your argument about the talents only gives meaning when viewed through a christian perspective. : noble enough : i guess that in any case, life only does have purpose within the christian context.
flamebreaker : haha no don't you get started, you may be influencing me to start thinking like you =p=p=p i think we all feel like that sometimes, just try to move ahead and not get stuck.
Man, I realised the same thing about myself... generally not really a very happy person at all, but with many things that cheer me up.
I watched "Eternal Sunshine" ages ago- it made me realise I'd never want to erase my sad memories. Even more so when I found out that in the original version of the screenplay they were going to have it such that it suggested that they were in a cycle of constantly erasing their memories and falling back in love... creepy.
I'd rather learn from my mistakes, thankyouverymuch.
vesper: Come back malaysia and i bring you to sinfully "melt-in-your-mouth" siew yook in KL. :)
Makes all your troubles go away...and your cholesterol off the chart as well. :P
Post a Comment